I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize