Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
