so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
