I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We have started to decorate penises.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
His nipple licking is glorious
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