I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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