there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i think i have herpe
just one?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
