you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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