i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
