Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
