I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
