i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
