dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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