Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
