maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
