my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
