So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize