Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
