the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
