Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
