Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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