Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I still have a little drunk in my system
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
