The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
