The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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