just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
operation harelip BJ is a go
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
