I think i peed on brittanys purse
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
