I'm drive I can fine osifer
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
