Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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