Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
