A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
This baby is an asshole
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
