I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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