sarcasm needs its own font
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
