just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
