Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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