btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
