ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
