Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
