It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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