By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
