I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
