she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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