I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
