Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize