ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
