so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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