I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
