my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
