Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
