Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
