one might say we're banned from that church
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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