I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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