Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
