You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
