this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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