Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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