Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
