Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize