What a fucking waste of an outfit
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
