Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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