I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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