Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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