Where did you get a picture of my penis
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize