Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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