dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
