Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
