I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
