last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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