Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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