Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
