Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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