watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
