i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
