IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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