So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We are two peas in an std pod
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
