He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
