too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
