Apparently you make a good broom.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
