I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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