barbara walters just said penis...
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
