Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
