i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
