I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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