I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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