How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
please come you make the beer taste better
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
