dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
whose parrot is this?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
