Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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