I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
