She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
