Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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