Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize