What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
