perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
