I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
