I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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