I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
