I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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