I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
