Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
