The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
