...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
